Repentance is not the same as pretending nothing happened
You do not need to stay trapped in shame, but you do need to change the pattern. Tawbah includes leaving the wrong action, regretting it and sincerely intending not to return to it.
Moving toward marriage can be part of correcting the situation, but marriage should not be used as a slogan while the same private relationship continues for months or years.
Ask the uncomfortable question: are we actually ready to marry?
People often say 'we want to make it halal' when what they mean is 'we do not want to lose each other'. Those are not the same thing.
Discuss timelines, family involvement, finances, where you would live, education, work, religious practice and serious incompatibilities. If neither person is willing to move toward a real decision, the relationship needs an honest boundary.
Bring the relationship into the light
Where marriage is genuinely intended, involve the wali and appropriate family members early. The goal is not to create a huge engagement period with the same dating dynamic. It is to move the relationship into a transparent process where marriage can be assessed properly.
What you can do now
- Agree to reduce private romantic contact immediately.
- Decide whether both of you are genuinely prepared to pursue Nikah now.
- Involve the wali and appropriate family members.
- Discuss the practical issues that could prevent marriage before becoming more attached.
- If the marriage cannot move forward, set a clean boundary rather than maintaining an indefinite situationship.
Questions people usually ask next
Do we have to tell our families every detail about the relationship?
You should not publicise past sins unnecessarily. What must be disclosed depends on what affects rights, safety or the proposed marriage. Complex disclosure questions may need scholar review.
Can we keep talking privately because we intend to marry?
Good intentions do not automatically make private romantic boundaries lawful. Keep communication purposeful and move the marriage process forward transparently.